When I was 19, I saw a transgender woman dating foreign man. Seeing a couple like that was something I found unpleasant. I didn’t know much about gender identity that time and believe me, what I thought before about this kind of relationship was something you would not want to know. It was the kind of relationship I would frown upon and never even considered to be a part of. I thought that when a transgender woman and a trans-oriented man were in a relationship, chances were this lady was just after the man’s thick wallet, hoping for “greener pastures” and she’s simply just out of her mind. As I grew older, my views have eventually changed and now that I have transitioned from being a boy who did not know much about who he really was and how to express himself to a woman who’s highly opinionated and strong enough to put a stop on such misconception.
I think it’s every girl’s dream to see Europe even just for once in her lifetime. Many transgender Filipino women nowadays involve themselves into travelling which opens a lot of new perspectives, widens their horizon and simply gives them the feeling that they can conquer the world, the universe rather. Seeing Paris, Barcelona, Amsterdam, and all those majestic European cities has always been on the wish list of a globetrotting trans woman. But how is traveling to Europe like for a Filipino transgender woman who has a Philippine-issued passport? Let me share with you my experience in going thru the process of getting a Schengen visa and how I amazingly got it in 2 days! (Note: This is a visa application guide that will help you if your purpose of travel is tourism/visiting friends or family of no more than 90 days.)
Before we go through the whole process, let me answer first a few questions.
Like any other human being in this world, we sleep, we wake up, we breathe, we make a living, we have fun, we fall in love, we cry when get hurt, we bleed, we also simply EXIST. The only difference is that, for most transgender women, everyday seems to be a battle. A battle that makes us question ourselves “are we wrong for being like this?” , “Is it bad to live life this way?”, “Is my existence a mistake?”.
You just had your morning coffee, showered, got all made up, feeling so good about yourself, ready to make a living. It’s a nice day, you’re off to work and on your way, you get to pass by a group of men calling you names and asking for some indecent favors. Moments like this just tear us up inside.
Don’t you just wish you had a gun and have them shot in the head? But no, we end up ignoring them. Your day’s ruined, earphones on and just continued walking as if the heckling didn’t happen. It’s quite saddening that most people who do this don’t even realize the emotional trauma it brings to us. The words thrown at us are like bullets and knives leaving us with holes all over our BLEEDING EGO.
My apologies to the late Helen Gurley Brown, the long-time editor of Cosmo and the author of Sex and the Single Girl, but my title seems appropriate because sex can be especially tricky ground to negotiate when you start dating pre-op or non-op ladyboys.
Alright, sex can be a minefield when you start dating a cisgender woman, too. But there are special things a man has to take into account when he and his new TS girlfriend are ready to be intimate. And in case you’re wondering, almost none of this applies if she is post-op.
Love what your ladyboy girlfriend have or hate It
Perhaps the biggest potential landmine is how she feels about her genitals. A relatively small number of transsexual women hate their penis. They don’t want it touched or fondled, and definitely do not want you to perform oral sex. Early on, a man who is smart and caring will gently ask her attitude about it. The way I usually raise the subject is softly but directly: “So it seems like we’re heading towards becoming a couple but before I accidentally do something in bed that you don’t like, how do you feel about me touching your penis?” Depending on the woman, sometimes I use a slang word. The question often provokes a laugh or smile, sometimes an embarrassed giggle. Only a very few women have said “Leave it alone.” But over the years, most told me in no uncertain terms something like, “I love having orgasms and if you don’t use your hands and mouth on me, we’re not going to be a couple for very long!”
I knew since I was about 18-19 that I was attracted to ladyboys, there was something about them that I loved and I wanted to be with one. I dated a few cisgender women in very successful relationships but it was never what I truly wanted. Why did I choose to go into relationships with cis women ? The reason is that finding a western ladyboy is near impossible and I’m not attracted to men.
The sex sites..no where else to turn
I never pursued my wanting to date a ladyboy that much but when I did I went to any corner of the web I could to find a place. I tried several websites aimed at sex, the category I looked at was transgender and it normally pointed towards transvestites, not ladyboys. I wasn’t there for sex but I was hoping I could find someone genuine on a sex site (I know foolish). I met two people from that website and honestly it started with sex…it was a sex website but I told them I wanted more than pointless sex. One of them pushed me away while the other seemed to embrace the idea.
This is going to be brutal and to the point and I want every ladyboy and man reading this to think about themselves and the people they want to be with. We all hide our inner demons but some of us deny our true selves far more than others.
What is “Shaming”?
I put the word in quotations because it’s ridiculous for this to even exist. Shaming is the process of someone being put to shame, in this context it’s people enjoying something that most of the world views are wrong, strange, funny or bizarre. None of these words are good when they’re associated with being ashamed. If you’re embarrassed or hide what you do then you’ll be ashamed. In my opinion if you’re ashamed, don’t do whatever it is that makes you ashamed.
Don’t be shamed as a partner
My beautiful girlfriend is a ladyboy and I’m so proud of her. I met her, held her hand, dined with her, met her family and friend and introduced her into my life. I understand this might be hard for a man that has always tried to look “Heterosexual” even though you can be Heterosexual in a trans relationship. Here’s the thing, some people in my family laughed at my relationship, judged me and then felt guilty for it. Is that my problem? The simple answer is no and the reason for this is that I’m not ashamed so I can’t be shamed as a male partner to a ladyboy.
Let me start by saying we all need self-respect. I don’t care who or what you are or what you call yourself, we all need it. However Ladyboys are especially important when it comes to self-respect for many different reasons. Men are everywhere, doesn’t matter where you go, we’re obvious and let’s be honest…we’re not that interesting guys. So Ladyboys deserve more respect and guys are common as mud, then why do ladyboys accept horrible propositions and language by male members? I believe it’s due to a lack of self-respect.
I’m a man but I see what’s going on
I’m a man, I think like a man and I act like one but I do respect every living being, including myself. Ladyboys are rare and they’re beautiful, some are more convincing than others but all of them feel the same, like a woman because they are. However I reckon growing up with dilemmas and confusion about sexuality and their place in the world makes them self conscious, even if they don’t think their self conscious.
I know this isn’t pleasant to the ears but I got to be real on this topic, for this is every woman’s struggles who have a foreign boyfriend, and people just have to realise that this is not true in all cases hence it is a stereotype. I am sure that you are going to nod your head as we go through these stereotypes.
1. Ladyboy and her family is financially supported by her boyfriend
There is nothing wrong about it for it is probably the will of her partner to support her and her family and simply they might have made a pact. But times are changing now and this does not apply in most cases. There are a lot of trans women whose families do not need financial support in the first place, there are trans women who have decent jobs and need no monetary support. It is quite funny and actually insulting if you receive comments like
“You must be rich now because you have a foreign boyfriend.”
“You are so lucky for you and your family will be financially supported by your foreign boyfriend.”
Transsexual women nowadays have more opportunities to earn money for themselves and for their family, so next time if you see a transgender woman dating a foreign boyfriend hold your judgment back for the girl might have a thicker wallet than the guy.
Somewhere in 2014 I receive a Facebook message from a beautiful woman, who told me that she met someone on our site! Upon reading her message I could not help but be excited for them and just feeling so thrilled of their new found love that started on our very own dating site. I guess that is just the emotional side of me, plus knowing that running a transgender dating site and receiving messages from members that they met somebody form our site is always exciting and fulfilling. However I cannot deny that there is a small part of me feeling doubtful yet hopeful that they would last. The guy is from Ireland and she is from the Philippines. Amazingly, pictures from these couple popped up on my Facebook news feeds from time to time, and you can see from their pictures that they both are into each other. Every time I came across with their photos made me feel assured that they are going very well, and really happy for each other. Those glimpses from her Facebook posts of their moments together made feel accomplished for creating myladyboydate.com. Apparently there was more to the photos that are popping up on my Facebook feeds.
Last January 21st 2016, I receive this.
So I am going to keep this short, simple, and straight to the point. Of course this does not mean that ladyboys are the only ones scamming. Men and women do this too, in fact some other cis gender people (a person whose assigned sex at birth matches his/her gender identity) use a transgender identity to operate their scams. Ladyboy dating sites have been on the online dating market for quite some time already. Aside from being a venue to find someone special, unfortunately most of the transgender dating sites have become a market place to offer “pay for pleasure” services. Apparently they also became a perfect venue for the ladyboy scammers to take advantage on men by sucking as much money as they can. Because it became a culture in the context of dating that a man needs to please a woman and win her heart through gifts, this is a perfect strategy for scammers to bite and take as much as they can from the guy. Another common strategy is to exploit a man’s kindness by making him feel pity towards their poor economic situation (which even this is a lie most of the time).
One ladyboy says “I do not have money to pay the internet, can you help me? So I can talk to you and get to know you more.” just after exchanging a couple of messages, in less than 24 hours after you met.
Another ladyboy shares her hardship and says she cannot buy a phone (of all the hardship in life, a new smart phone is the most important of them all?), once again this comes after a couple of messages a few hours after you start the conversation.
These are few examples of ladyboy online traps to get money or to scam men. Surely (and I doubt that somebody will argue that) these are giving a negative impact to the whole transgender community. Here are in my opinion the 5 major effects that ladyboy scammers have towards the transgender community.