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BDSM Things to Try this Valentine’s Day

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
This post was last updated on .

Many people have a notion that BDSM is all about having sadistic sex. However, that’s for from the truth. There are many BDSM things to try without the involvement of pain and gore.

Are you planning to turn up the heat with your partner? If so, the perfect time to do so is on this season of Valentine’s. In this guide, you will be informed of what BDSM is, some BDSM sex ideas, and other spicy activities to partake in.

What is BDSM?

BDSM, also known as bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism is an umbrella of activities that some individuals partake in. Not all activities are sexual in nature, but BDSM is often associated with sex because of its popularity in the adult industry.

The media also often presents BDSM to be sexual, which further misinforms the general. Many movies allude to the fact that if one practices BDSM, they are only doing it to fulfill certain sexual desires.

Bondage

Bondage is a very sexy activity if done right. You don’t have to think about morbid thoughts when you incorporate bondage into your sexy Valentine’s night. What makes bondage sexy is quite beneficial for the one being bound. The reason being is sometimes in life, it’s nice to let go of control.

Imagine being tied up and waiting for how the other will take or give you pleasure. Picture yourself just fully open for the taking. Now, make that picture more alive with the choice of material that you’re going to use while tied up.

bondage tools

Many options are readily available to execute bondage. A lot of BDSM practitioners use the rope but this may be too chilling if you’re a neophyte. If you and your partner are just exploring this area, you may start by using sheets or soft fabrics.

You may also use handcuffs and belts but the latter can look even scarier. Most novices tie their partner to the bedpost. However, for the expert ones, they’re able to tie their partner’s body parts together and sometimes, with the help of contortionism.

Discipline

The discipline part of BDSM can easily be taken out of the sexual context. This can be in any form that encompasses discipline. Some people practice this because they want to achieve certain goals. What helps them achieve these goals is through the aid of a master or mistress.

Others practice discipline in a sexual context because being punished turns them on. This is why discipline is one of the highlights of BDSM. Other people also incorporate the reward-punishment system but this is not the norm. Most people who participate in the discipline are only after the punishment.

a guy

Discipline can be done in many ways. One is that the master can set tasks such as cleaning, menial labor, etc. If the slave is not able to do the tasks, they will be punished. Others also include academics in the mix. The master can create quizzes and exams that they can utilize to uphold punishments should the slave make mistakes.

Punishments are done in many forms. These can be done physically or verbally. Common punishments are spanking, slapping, and being hit by a paddle or a flogger. Other masters force their slaves to workout or do other physically exhausting activities.

Dominance and Submission

While the first two can be done sporadically and do not require a relationship with trust, dominance and submission are more intimate. The reason being is because dominance and submission usually involve the relationship of a dominant and a submissive.

This is where the famous master and slave or mistress and slave relationships enter. Some people take this area seriously that the masters get to “collar” their slave, which makes the latter bound to their master for a lifetime.

a guy who's pointing you

Relationships like these entail different kinds of activities and lifestyles, some leading to the submissive being a literal slave. A lot of slaves make the money through their jobs and continue being slaves at home by engaging in domesticated chores.

However, the most common living setup of a master and slave is that they live separate lives and meet regularly to live their fantasy lives. The master is entitled to order the slave to fulfill their different desires. These desires may be:

  • sexual
  • physical
  • emotional
  • financial
  • and more

Sadism and Masochism

The most controversial part of BDSM is the Sadism and Masochism bit. The reason being is because sometimes, the activities in this section can entail physical harm, scars, and bleeding.

This area is popular for people who enjoy inflicting or receiving pain. Some people are so numb to the tactile sensations of sex that the only way they feel stimulated is through the pain. It’s a bit inexplicable mostly if the explanation will be coming from someone who does not personally enjoy pain.

a whip

However, it’s the reality and some people do indeed enjoy it. Others also practice sadism and masochism through having rough sexual intercourse. Sadists aren’t usually partaking in the usual type of sex that involves sweet nothings, penetration, and soft kisses.

What sadists and masochists usually add to their sexual encounters to make them spicier are:

  • hair pulling
  • choking
  • gagging
  • spanking
  • scratching
  • etc.

However, not all sadists and masochists only inflict or receive pain through sex, they would sometimes involve pain in the form of roleplaying and punishments.

BDSM Things To Do This Valentine’s Month

Now that you have a brief overview of what BDSM is, it’s time to incorporate it into your relationship. Please know that before doing so, you must ask your partner about their involvement prior to setting up the scene. It is not something that could be easily digested by most people.

Furthermore, BDSM requires a lot of items for better immersion. You don’t want your preparation to go to waste only for it to be rejected by your partner.

Bondage to Try

One of the light bondage activities that you can participate in is by handcuffing your partner’s hands to the bedpost. Reward your partner with a long and winding experience of you, just pleasuring every tactile part of their body. Put whip cream all over their body and slowly lick it off.

Your partner will have no control and would have no choice but just to take in the pleasure. Execute everything you’ve learned from tutorials about oral pleasure to stimulate your partner as they’ve never been stimulated before.

handcuffs

Contrary to what most think, having blue balls is not always a bad thing. Imagine pleasuring every bit of your partner’s body except their genitalia. Picture yourself teasing your partner for a long time without providing climax. Just think of how much pent-up sexual emotions your partner will accumulate from being handcuffed.

Because of this, your partner will surely explode like a volcano once you decide to let them go. Sexual intercourse is usually finished in less than twenty minutes, which makes it a task than a pleasurable activity. This is why bondage is done by some BDSM practitioners to delay gratification and to make it more rewarding.

Discipline to Try

Have you ever experienced being teased and denied sex by somebody else? If not, you’re missing out on one of the most exciting sexual experiences in life. On the night of your Valentine’s date, you could practice discipline as a novice by teasing your partner.

BDSM Tool

Wear something sexy, like a piece of lingerie if you’re a ladyboy or tight underwear if you’re a man. Look extra hot but don’t reward your partner too easily. Give them little kisses and bites but don’t spend a long time doing so. This will make your partner go crazy and want you more if you do this flawlessly.

Remember to do this playfully so your partner won’t think that you are being problematic.

Dominance and Submission to Try

If you’re going to incorporate this one, you must invest in some items. To make the experience seem more realistic, you have to provide costumes. If you’re going to do this by surprise, you must also be the one acting as the master.

bondage tool

The reason being is the moment will be ruined if you have to instruct your partner on how to be dominant. Good ideas for domination outfits include anything that has to do with:

  • leather
  • chains
  • gloves
  • boots
  • and latex

For the slave, especially if she’s a ladyboy, something sexy would be black lace.

Remember not to make your partner do things that are too overwhelming. They’re probably still trying to figure out the ropes. Some light activities you can do are asking your partner to lick certain parts of your body. You could also order them to take pieces of their clothing off one by one or switch in random positions.

Sadism and Masochism to Try

Before including this on your romantic Valentine’s night, you must remember that you should proceed with caution. Doing so may scare your partner away most especially if your relationship with them has not yet stood the test of time. This involves pain and the toys that go along with it can be overwhelming to your partner.

a whip

For this to work in your favor, you must be the one willing to take the pain. This is because you are not sure yet if your partner finds pain to be pleasurable. For something that won’t inflict too much pain, spanking or a light flogger can be used for punishments.

Other BDSM Things To Try

BDSM, as mentioned before, is an umbrella term for a wide array of activities. Not everything has to involve the four core sectors. There are other activities that you can partake in that can be fun for Valentine’s day.

Roleplay

Many ladyboys enjoy roleplaying. There’s a study that many women fantasize about being abducted. You can also think of other fun options such as:

  • doctor’s checkup
  • job interview
  • and more

With roleplaying, creativity is key.

working girl

Roleplaying is something that can be quite hard for people who are shy to execute. The reason being is because it involves a lot of acting. Staying out of character can ruin the heat of the moment. You must think of a scenario that’s not too silly so both of you could take your acvtivity seriously.

For the roleplay to be more alive, costumes are a must. Some of the most popular options are:

  • the maid’s outfit
  • plumbe
  • police
  • and soldier uniforms

Cosplay

While roleplaying can be done without costumes, cosplays are exclusively done with them. However, with cosplay, you don’t have to act out certain scenarios. What you can do with cosplaying is simply by dressing up as a character that turns your partner on.

a fairy

If your partner is into anime or video games, you can take cues from those.

Does your partner enjoy reading romantic novels, you can also take inspiration from the books that they enjoy.

Is there a movie or TV character that your partner gushes about, why not make their fantasies alive on this special night?

Humiliation

This sector is not advisable for a Valentine’s date. This will kill the romance that the day entails. However, this was listed just to inform you of the many sectors of BDSM that you can look up.

angry huy

For some reason, there’s a number of people who enjoy being humiliated. This may be in the form of dressing up quirkily or almost naked in public. Being cursed at in public, or other situations that can make them feel embarrassed.

BDSM and Valentine’s Day

Remember, expressing your love no matter how you do it, will never be boring for your partner. There’s also nothing wrong with trying out new things. Just keep in mind that if your partner is not into it, don’t let it spoil your special day. Just be genuine and you’ll have the best Valentine’s date ever.

The message that this day entails is not about sparks, sex, butterflies, etc. It’s about showing how much you love a person and letting them know how much you appreciate their love for you.

Posted in Love & dating

About the author

Amanda Valentine Dela Cruz
Just a random trans woman playing with makeup and skincare. Loves bacon and the operating table. I'm also the author of the dating guide book Dating Transgender Women for Gentlemen. Know more -> dtwfgbook.com

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